The What Ifs, What Might Have Beens, and the If Onlys

Part 1 of 3

The What Ifs.

I am pretty sure you have asked yourself this question at least at one point in your life. Usually the What Ifs first tend to pop up when you are about to decide on something and are uncertain of the outcome or it is something that has always crossed your mind but you didn't risk making it happen. Planning a vacation - What if we try going to someplace else other than the usual, would it be fun? Trying to be sweet - What if I hold her hand now, would she mind? Trying to be smooth - What if she doesn't give me her number, what am I going to say next? Building your career - What if I took a risk and joined a smaller company but has a lot of growth, would I be successful?

It is a lingering question that haunts you if you never decide to actually do things. Probably you have that fear of; rejection, disappointment, confrontation, getting your heart broken, shattered hopes, the fear of losing someone dear to you, or the fear of failure.

To quote the greatest basketball player of all time, Michael Jordan - "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career, lost almost 300 games, 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed. Most of us make decisions based on numbers. How many times did it work before? How many times has it failed? If the success rate is higher, then we have the courage to face the What Ifs and just go for it. But for some of us, we tend to be more careful. If it has failed once, we don't want to make the same mistake, or if it has never been tried, we don't want to risk it.

The What Ifs can never guarantee a favorable outcome. It can go either way. It may be for the best or be at it's worst. So how do we deal with the What Ifs, if we don't know what's going to happen next? Would you still risk it or play it safe?

One thing is for sure, the What Ifs will always be there if you don't make your move and face whatever outcome it brings.

Part Two - What Might Have Beens
Part Three - If Onlys

The Art of Timing

I was once told by someone dear to me, "you know, Life is all about timing."

You often hear those lines that, it is not the right time, timing has to be perfect, or the famous song of El Debarge - Time Will Reveal. But is waiting for the perfect conditions the right thing to do? When things go right, you say the timing was right. When things go wrong or didn't happen, you say it was not the right time or it was not meant to be.

In sports, yes, timing is crucial. when to take that perfect shot, the perfect swing, the perfect time to pull a spin move on your opponent. But executing those are what you call skills, talents and expertise. Athletes practice this art and make it part of their daily routine. it's the law of averages. To perfect your free throws, you have to practice shooting a hundred for example. With hard work and determination, the more your going to make those free throws, and then your average increases. it's the law, its scientifically proven if you agree.

But what about other things in Life? Let's choose first high school as our generation example and Love as a kicker to it. We had a lot of good memories during high school and we all know that we did crazy things for the sake of Love. So, when you look back at things, you recall the times when you first asked out your crush on a date, your first time to hold her hand, your first kiss maybe, the first time you fell in love. So what made you think and do those things at the right time? When was the right time? Did you just feel it? Was it premeditated? Spur of the moment, it just happened? it's not like sports that you get to practice doing these things everyday right, so the law of averages don't apply. so how do you execute that perfect timing? what are the conditions and the Elements that you consider?

Given that, do you now wait for the perfect conditions before you hold her hand, or do you free yourself and just take that risk and show your affection and gently hold her hand? Because if you wait it out, keep waiting for that perfect moment, before you know it, that moment has passed and you blew your chance. Again, it is not like sports that you can do a trial and error thing, or keep shooting with guns blazing, what do you think of your date, a practice dummy?

For the women, you often hear them say, I am waiting for Mr. Right, the perfect guy. Even if someone good is right in front of you, you're still in that waiting stage. Sorry to burst your bubble ladies, no one is that perfect. God is perfect, Man is not. We each have our flaws. And if you keep waiting, you may lose the one and only guy who would treat you the way you should be treated, like a princess. So now you ask yourselves, when do you know and make that decision that he is that guy? Is it the right time to have him? What factors would you now consider? Love? are you in love? It now gets deeper because you then ask yourself, what is True Love.

Let's now take a different example, Career.

You are working in a company that has been very good to you for the past years, then an opportunity comes along, another company offers less but you know management is good and they make the pitch that your are joining them at the right time. So what do you do? Is it indeed the right time? Would you risk a pay cut knowing that in due time, you will be reaping the rewards? Again, not like in sports, you know that you practiced right timing. But in this scenario, what would your reference be?

Do you now see the difference? So is Life really about timing? Do you wait it out and wait for that perfect moment or is Life to short for you that you can't wait for things to happen so you take that risk and let them happen.

So what Elements do we consider when making these decision is Life. I will not disagree that Life can be all about timing. But if you believe in your heart and what your mind tells you is right. If you really want it, do not wait for that moment to pass...anticipate it and once it is there you grab that opportunity. Life is like a blur, you miss out on a lot of things, and if you're afraid to take any risks and keep waiting for things to happen that only time will reveal, good things might just pass you by.