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Selfish (Chillout Version) - Sunset Daze

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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Controlling Others' Feelings


Girl: I feel happy being single and I am too preoccupied with a lot of things to even go out on a date.
Guy: Ok, but for argument’s sake, wouldn’t you feel happier if you had a special someone since a lot of guys are asking you out, what’s the harm in going out with any one of them?
Girl: These guys don’t control my feelings, what makes you think that they could make me any happier.
Guy: I could. And I dare you to prove me wrong.


Ok generally, one cannot control what others feel. But some feelings can be, let’s say, manipulated. (Ok, I don’t want it to sound evil, but that’s how it is). So fine, let’s use Persuasion instead. Over time, some interactions can generate a sense of powerlessness with the other party. The person may not feel confident with their own feelings when overwhelmed by a much powerful and persuasive person that can tell you that you are wrong, and he/she is right with what or how you really feel.

Take for example this scenario: Your kid gets angry at you because you did not allow him to play late at night. All you need to say is; “you can’t get angry at me. You know it’s late and the rule is you’re not allowed to play this late, period. Besides, I am the parent and you should obey me because I know better.” (Ahh, the authority of being a parent) You are able to suppress that anger or even overturn it and have your kid feeling apologetic, if you are able to convince him that he was wrong in feeling that way towards you. Simple enough. (It should be, because you are dealing with a child)

So where does it get complicated? LOVE?

Unless you have some magic love potion, I don’t think you can actually control someone to love you. Adoration or admiration possibly, but not love. (I hope to God it’s not Submission) You may not be aware it, but for instance, those ladies who time and again rejected a suitor because she hates him, that hate turns to admiration because, it turns out later on that she admires the guy for his persistence. Even if they don’t end up together, the fact that her feelings changed; (Thus bourne out of this is the classic phrase, “the more you hate, the more you love”) the guy may have not totally controlled how the girl felt, but his persistence contributed in overpowering that negative feeling of hate. Would you agree?

Still not convinced? How about a friend who cheers you up when you’re feeling down? The interaction or intervention alone would be a factor in changing what you are currently feeling. Yes, indeed it’s your choice if you want to be happy or not, if you feel contented with your current situation, but I believe that others can contribute to those feelings to be changed if they are convincing and persuasive enough.

A very good friend of mine shared to me that, “your mind is over your heart. So the mind should rule over. Your blissful state is controlled by your head.” And with this goes the lines in the book, Eat Pray Love by.. – “Your emotions are slaves of your thoughts and you are the slave of your emotions.” In my post, Heart vs. Mind, I shared my thoughts on what are the balances of making decision with your Heart and Mind.

In the end, indeed you are the sole master and have complete control over your feelings and on most occasions the heart follows the mind, but there are days when it’s the other way around. And on days where you hit a dead end and your feelings are lost, others can help you control your feelings and help find its way. We may be slaves of our emotions and thoughts, but there are those “special some ones” that can liberate us from slavery. Don’t you think?

Or better yet, it would be easier to just use my Jedi powers and play mind tricks on you. Believe in the power of the Force, my apprentice.

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