Recruitment Goobledygook

Here are some funny Recruitment jargons that I came across on the Internet, and thier possible true meanings...

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
 - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
 - We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.

"IMMEDIATE OPENING"
- The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

"SELF-MOTIVATED"
- Management won't answer questions

"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE"
...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

"FUN WORK ENVIRONMENT"
- Your coworkers will be insulted if you don't drink with them.

"A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT"
 - We booze it up at company parties.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
- You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED"
 - If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
- Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"FLEXIBLE HOURS"
- Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
- Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
- We have no quality control.

"COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED"
- Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
- You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
- You're walking into a company in perpetual, systemic chaos.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
- Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do.

"ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD"
- You whine, you're fired.